The Gentle Handoff: Appointment of a Co-Trustee

Secrets of Successful Agers is where I share the best of what I've learned and observed, so you can borrow the strategies that work and use them in your own life.

So, meet Harry and Wanda.

Harry and Wanda did really good estate planning several years ago. They have a trust, powers of attorney, healthcare directives—the whole thing. Their plan is thoughtful and comprehensive, and they've always been very on top of their finances.

But recently, Wanda has noticed some small changes. She accidentally paid the same credit card bill twice in two days. Then, when tax season rolled around, she found herself getting much more flustered than usual trying to gather all of their tax documents. Nothing catastrophic. Wanda is still doing well and managing her own affairs. But she noticed. And instead of waiting until these little things became big things, Harry and Wanda decided to get ahead of it.

The Gentle Handoff

They have an adult son, Sam, whom they trust completely. Sam was already named in their estate plan to take over someday if Harry and Wanda couldn't manage things themselves. But rather than waiting for that day, we decided to move him into position now.

We made Sam a co-trustee. We updated some of their estate planning documents. We went through the process of adding him as co-trustee on their brokerage and bank accounts and making sure he had the appropriate power of attorney authority for their retirement accounts.

And let me tell you—there is paperwork involved.Forms. Signatures. Meetings. More forms. But here's the great part: Harry and Wanda are doing all of this while they're still perfectly capable of doing it.

And now that we've finished? Sam has been instructed to do absolutely nothing. Harry and Wanda are still managing their own money. They're still paying their bills. They're still in charge. Sam is just there.

Someday, if the bills and accounts start feeling like too much, Harry and Wanda can essentially slide the checkbook across the table to Sam and say, “Okay, we're ready for some help.” Granted, Sam may stare at the checkbook and wonder what ancient financial instrument his parents have just handed him—I don't think I've written a check in ten years—but he'll figure it out. Because the important part is already done.

Sam knows the plan. He has the legal authority he needs. He understands his parents' wishes. He knows where things are and what he's eventually going to be responsible for.

No dramatic transition. No scrambling to get signatures while someone is sick. No adult child trying to figure out Mom and Dad's entire financial life for the first time from a hospital waiting room. Just a really gentle handoff.

We also used this as an opportunity to sit down together as a family. Harry and Wanda talked with Sam about their finances, how they want their money managed, and what they're thinking about for housing and care as they get older. And I got to spend some time educating Sam, too—what it means to be a fiduciary, things he'll eventually need to know about their finances, and some of the responsibilities he'll be taking on. Everyone walked away knowing the plan.

And I just love this kind of planning.

The Secret

Don't wait until you are in crisis to make it possible for someone to help you.

Don't wait until you desperately need help to make it possible for someone to help you. We tend to think about independence as all or nothing: either you're managing everything yourself, or someone else has taken over. It doesn't have to work that way.

Sometimes successful aging means recognizing that you might need help someday and quietly putting that help in place while you're still completely capable of doing it yourself.

Practical Tip: Pay attention when familiar task starts feeling unusually difficult. If you've always gathered your own tax documents and suddenly find yourself overwhelmed by the process, or you start making mistakes with bills or accounts that you normally manage easily, don't panic—but don't ignore it either. That can be a good time to call your estate planning attorney. You may not need their help yet. That's the point: the best time to create a gentle handoff is often before you need to hand anything off.

— Jennifer Wallis
Estate Planning Attorney & Creator of Legacy Blueprint

A Note About Appointing a Co-Trustee:

When I talk about appointing an adult child or another trusted person as a co-trustee, I am not talking about a quick or routine amendment to an estate plan. Appointing a co-trustee is a significant legal and financial decision, and I believe it deserves significant thought.

And my work generally does not end with signing the amendment to appoint the co-trustee. With my client's permission, I typically meet with the newly appointed co-trustee to make sure they understand the seriousness of the role they have accepted, including the fiduciary responsibilities that may accompany it, the importance of meticulous recordkeeping, and the need to be able to account for their actions.

Where appropriate, I also strongly encourage transparency within the family and other beneficiaries. That might include regular updates and sharing relevant financial statements when appropriate. Transparency can be one of the best protections both for the parent and for the child who has agreed to help.

A co-trustee arrangement can be enormously helpful in the right family. It can also create significant problems in the wrong one. So when I recommend considering a co-trustee, I mean considering it: thoughtfully, deliberately, and with a full understanding of what that appointment will actually mean.

About the characters: Harry (Husband), Wanda (Wife), Sam (Son), and the other names you'll see in Secrets of Successful Agers are pseudonyms I use repeatedly and do not represent the same people from story to story. These stories are inspired by situations I encounter in my work as an estate planning attorney, but names, identifying details, and circumstances may be changed, omitted, or combined to protect client confidentiality. Nothing in this article is intended as legal advice.

Disclaimer: This article is provided for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship. Estate planning laws and individual circumstances vary, and you should consult with a qualified attorney regarding your particular situation.