Making the Move

Secrets of Successful Agers is where I share the best of what I've learned and observed, so you can borrow the strategies that work and use them in your own life.

There is a moment in a meeting that makes me cringe.

A client will be sitting across from me and say something like, “I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time to downsize.” And sometimes, before I even consciously know why, my gut tells me: You’ve already missed “the window”.

The “Window”

I think of it as the magical “window” in which you should move. Inside “the window”, you still have the energy, capacity, and independence to decide what you want your next chapter to look like—and to make it happen yourself.

For some people, that “window” may last years. For others, it may be surprisingly short. And then, at some point, “the window” closes.

That does not mean you can no longer move after “the window” closes.. I have absolutely seen people downsize later in life. But it tends to look different. Maybe an adult child takes charge. Maybe a professional is brought in. Maybe family members spend weekends sorting through the garage, interviewing movers, arranging repairs, and meeting with realtors.

There is nothing wrong with any of that. But it is different from being able to lead the process yourself.

That is why, when someone tells me they know they eventually want to move—to a smaller home, a 55-plus community, a retirement community, an assisted-living community, or simply somewhere closer to family—I encourage them not to spend too long waiting to feel completely “ready.” If you know you want to do it eventually, consider doing it while it still feels a little early.

And there can be an emotional component, too. Moving earlier than your peers can feel like admitting something. Am I old now? Am I giving something up? What will my friends think? Why would I leave when I’m perfectly capable of living here?

There can even be a little embarrassment or shame wrapped up in it. We tend to celebrate moving into a bigger house. Moving into a smaller one can feel, unfairly, like moving backward.

“I’ll Just Stay Home & Hire Caregivers”

There is another version of this conversation that I hear all the time. Someone tells me they have no intention or desire of leaving their home. And often they say something like, “If I need help someday, I’ll just have caregivers come in.”

That may be an excellent plan. But is it actually a plan yet?

I recently spoke with a professional who works extensively in home care here in the East Bay. She told me she is currently seeing families paying approximately $30,000 to $32,000 per month for 24-hour in-home care.

Read that number again. Thirty thousand dollars. A month.

That does not mean everyone who stays in their home will eventually need 24-hour care. Many people never will. Others may need only a few hours of assistance each day. But when I hear someone casually say, “I’ll just stay here and get caregivers,” I want them to understand what that decision could actually mean.

And you still may decide that you want to stay home. Wonderful. Staying in your home can absolutely be a thoughtful and intentional aging plan.

Downsizing is a Mental Exercise

Perhaps the greatest benefit I see from downsizing isn’t even the physical moving. Downsizing forces you to imagine your future.

• Where do I want to be?

• Who do I want around me?

• Do I want to live near old friends? Near my children or grandchildren? Somewhere I can easily make new friends?

• How many bedrooms do I actually need?

• What happens if I stop driving? What kind of help could I get here if I eventually needed it?

• What would my daily life actually look like?

Downsizing forces you to take an abstract idea—someday I will be older—and turn it into something concrete. You have to picture yourself there. And in doing so, you have the opportunity to create some of that future intentionally rather than simply waiting to see what happens.

Downsizing at Home

And this brings me to something important. When I say that successful agers tend to downsize, I do not necessarily mean that they sell their homes.

One of my grandmothers never left her longtime home. And she aged beautifully there. But looking back, I realize that she downsized too. She simply did it without changing her address.

Over a period of years, she cleaned out the attic. She went through old records and belongings. She cleared out bedrooms she no longer needed.

Eventually, although she still owned a fairly large house, her actual life took place in a much smaller footprint: her bedroom, kitchen, and family room. The extra bedrooms were essentially closed off. She had downsized within her own home. And in her case, it worked.

She was also fortunate. She remained independent until very near the end of her life and never experienced a prolonged period of needing significant care. None of us knows whether we will be that fortunate.

But I think her story illustrates something important: Downsizing is not really about square footage. It is about simplifying your life before life requires you to simplify it.

The Secret

After watching so many different people navigate aging, this is one of the patterns I see again and again: Successful agers downsize in some meaningful way.They look ahead. They simplify. They make hard decisions while those decisions are still theirs to make.

Sometimes they sell the big family house and move somewhere smaller. Sometimes they move into a community where they know increasing levels of support will be available if they need them. Sometimes they move closer to their children.

And sometimes, like my grandmother, they stay exactly where they are—but they clean out the attic, throw away decades of old records, empty the unused bedrooms, simplify their lives, and create a realistic plan for how they will remain there.

How you decide to downsize is up to you. The point is to act before circumstances beyond your control make the decisions for you.

— Jennifer Wallis
Estate Planning Attorney & Creator of Legacy Blueprint

Disclaimer: This article is provided for general educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship. Estate planning laws and individual circumstances vary, and you should consult with a qualified attorney regarding your particular situation.